On the evening of my 16th birthday, there was a party. The party wasn’t in my honor, it was just a coincidence. I believe that one of my parents dropped me off at the party and knew that neighborhood people would be at the party so I would be able to get a ride home without problem.
Upon arrival, I spotted a friend and asked if I could catch a ride home. After my ride was secured, I went about entertaining myself during the festivities. Quite the social butterfly, I made my way around the room, chatting it up with everyone, having a great time, but after a while, I grew tired and wanted to head out.
I located my ride and found that he also was ready to go. As we were leaving, he put his arm around me and I thought nothing of it because we were friends. We arrived to his car and he walked me to my door where he kissed me. I was shocked. We had been friends for years, more than five, I would venture to say (and at that point, that’s a lifetime), and he had never in the least been anything but almost big brother friendly towards me.
I kissed him back.
As we pulled away from each other, he just stood for a moment and looked at me. He looked me directly in the eyes. Maybe he was trying to see my soul. I still wonder if he knows he was my first real kiss. But he just stood looking at me for a few moments and I looked back. We had crossed a line that could not be uncrossed and somehow we knew it and were okay with it.
He opened my door and I slid into the car. He walked around the front of the car and glanced at me through the windshield. When he got in the car, I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything and neither did he. He just started to drive.
As we drove, he reached out to me with his free hand. I slid a little closer to him. He rested his hand on my leg. Closer to home he asked if I needed to get home right away and I told him that I didn’t. I guess I knew where it was going but I had so much trust in him that he would never hurt me.
We went to one of our favorite hangouts. It was quiet and open. He parked and we sat on the back of his car for a while, not really talking, just sitting, enjoying the night air and the almost full moon. He pulled me in closer and put his arms around me. For a long time we just sat like that. At some point we got turned around facing each other and he kissed me again. Having never been kissed by anyone else, I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He was tender and patient, and just, well, just Bill, yeah, we’ll call him Bill.
He slid off the car and took me by the hand. We went to sit in the back seat where kissing turned to fondling and fondling turned to sex. Not sex like with Abe. Bill went slow with me. He may have known about Abe, maybe not, but probably did. He listened to my breathing; he felt me. If I showed the least bit of discomfort he stopped what he was doing.
It is to Bill that I truly feel I lost my virginity. And it is with Bill that I think I first fell in love. My very good friend, my lover. I looked at him in a different light after that night, almost with a longing to be touched again. Our group of friends was so close-knit but yet we kept secrets from each other all the time. This was one of them. To this day I would guess that only Bill and I know what really happened on my 16th birthday.
