By the time I had hit high school, I had never been kissed. Never held hands, never danced with a boy I liked, never had a boyfriend or a date. I was still somehow playing the role of little sister/best friend. Did I have crushes? Sure! But again, I was an untouchable.
I watched the other girls flirt and acquire boyfriends but those same techniques never elicited any response coming from me. I was starting to yearn for the attention other girls got, but it was difficult. I was only 15 and petite. I hadn’t yet blossomed. I was short, my hair was short and I was certainly short in the breasts and hips department. I was still, basically, the tomboy I had always been. That gained me the respect and friendship of the guys, but never any romantic interest.
Everything changed forever that summer.
I attended a party at a local park celebrating a joyous event for a member of our core group. Our group, along with some of our neighbors and people from school spent the majority of the day in the park. It was there that I met a guy, we’ll call him Abe, whom I found to be the most attractive guy that I had met to date. From my years of rejection, I knew better than to even try to grab his attention, so I continuted on with my day. We all played badminton, volleyball, horshoes and whatever else we could get our hands on.
Because I had put Abe out of my mind, except to occasionally glance at him when I thought he wasn’t looking, I didn’t realize that he was talking to me more than anyone else at the party until it was pointed out to me. All of a sudden, I felt special. I felt pretty. I felt acknowledged. Abe was talking to me. Singling me out. And Abe was 21.
Abe and I chatted on and off throughout the day. As we wrapped up the party, it was nearing dusk. We all headed back towards the home of the friend for whom the party was thrown. A while later, I had to get home. My house was less than a quarter mile away, but I knew when I had to be inside and chose not to endure the wrath of my parents.
As I was leaving, Abe asked if I would be returning. Shocked, I said that it would be a little while, but I would, as a formulated a plan on how I could make it work.
I knew that my parents would be going to bed early as they always did and so I planned to sneak out after they went to sleep. I was tremendously nervous. Not only had I never snuck out of the house before, but I had surely never snuck out because a boy wanted to see me.
When an amount of time that I considered to be safe after my parents had gone to bed had passed, I got dressed and left. I walked back to my friend’s house where the party was still going strong. I spied Abe but didn’t go over to him right away. I spoke to some other friends and had a drink. At long last, Abe came over to me. We chatted like we had known each other for years rather than hours.
After a bit, he asked me if I wanted to take a ride and I said yes. We hopped in his car and just drove around for a bit. He pulled into the cemetary that was about a mile away from the party and turned off the car. It was then that he started making his moves, or as much moves as need to be made on a young girl who was craving attention anyways.
I didn’t protest and I let him do what he wanted. I lost my virginity to a guy a hardly knew in his car in a cemetary. Yes, my first sexual experience was statutory rape although I never looked at it in that way until many years later. He finished before I ever knew what would have been starting and took me back to the party. I didn’t stick around long. I just went back home to think about what had happened.
That night was the beginning of a downhill slide for me. A slippery slope that I just couldn’t get away from.
